Optimism vs. Realism

We all undergo changes- some more major than others. In my case it was retiring my optimism. Being an optimist is defined as "a person disposed to take a favorable view of things." I was always elated, for absolutely no reason at all. Being happy, for the most part is a good thing, except when your expectations are too high; you usually end up getting your heart broken because you expect too much and apparently things don't always go as you expect them to. How do you overcome this fantasy and begin to see things clearly? Experiences.

It comes from the experiences that allow us to abolish unrealistic desires that our loved ones will always be there, from one New Year's celebration to the next. They can lead to adopting a whole new persepective on life- and can also move one from laughing in a backyard to crying in a graveyard... well at least in my case.

Once I was an optimist. Growing up, I never got along with most of my family; never had that warmth and closeness to them. But there was one person who made me feel warm in the winter, and that was my grandmother. You could say she was like another mother to me, or my only mother for that matter. I mean, back then, she was the one who cooked for me, taught me how to tie my laces, and turned my frown upside down when no one else could. We were really close and she was always there for me; but then just like that, she was gone, and I was cold again. Diagnosed with cancer... passed away at fifty-six. There goes my hero.

Now I am a realist. I've rationalized that life isn't always beautiful. It is, on the contrary, filled with sin and dismay. I'm not saying that life has absolutely no color; but you do have to realize that there at times where it can be just plain, black and white. There is good and bad; love and hate. You can't go around thinking life is perfect and that all events are ordered for the best. That was me before. Before I found out she had went. I remember that night. I overheard my mother deliriously crying her eyes out to whoever was on the other side of that phone call. It was the worst feeling in the world. I felt the blushing blood that had once brought color to my face rushing down my cheeks. That night, I went to sleep pale; and with eyes that you would think belonged to a victim of insomnia.

For a while I was in denail. Thousands of people die from cancer a day; I just never thought that my grandmother would be one of them. I found myself irresistly smiling as I hugged her one second; and the next, crying my eyes out because I would never be able to do so again.

What I did learn was that in life, we have to be prepared to deal with our biggest fear- the fear of losing a loved one, because life is not indefinite. Although we may wish we could have the people we love in our lives forever, it can not be. The reality is, people are born and people die. Death is inevitable; and anyone could become acquainted with it, any time, any where.