Wednesday, January 7, 2009

EX-TACEY

Love... a word that the human dictionary cannot seem to fully define. Some may say you're in love when you care about someone, when you can't stop thinking about them, or when you feel this strong bond to another individual which you've never felt before. Im no genius but I highly doubt that these three things are what define "true love."

Your true love is a lifelong soulmate which you are destined to meet somewhere in your life. If we're destined to have only one soulmate, what are our other loves considered? Were we not really in love; and when do we know if we are truly in love?

I once thought I found my true love. I was 12. Hey, give me some credit- I was 2 months away from being 13. Anyway, the kid was 15 and his name was John. It was perfect. We fell in love during a literally 8 hour long conversation on the phone, my mother instantly loved him... and so did the rest of my family. John ended up becoming much more than a boyfriend, he was a best friend. We shared a friendship where not being with each other became unbearable. Honestly, I thought I'd marry the guy... and so did the rest of the world. We ended up dating for almost four whole years and we lived together for about three of them. Well, he lived with us. "Us" meaning my mother and two younger brothers. Yes, she allowed it. Besides the fact that she loved him like if he were her own son, there were some other reasons he had to live with us which I won't get in to.

John and I were perfect, or so people thought; and so did I at one point. We played sports together, we played video games together, watched movies. Basically, we did EVERYTHING together; and I'm not over exxagerating when I say "everything". He was a drug which I instantly become addicted to. He was Ecstasy. He brought me short tem effects of energy, happiness, self-confidence, and pleasure; but in the long run, he brought me pain and dismay- he corrupted my world.

Why bring my ex up when I happen to already be dating another guy? Seeing him today by the mall made me think; and I think a lot- or so my current boyfriend says. Him and I tried to be friends after the break up. Of course, that rarely turns out to be a good thing. I recently ended all contact with him, it was for the best. Trust me. The guy's almost 21 with the mentality of the 15 year old I met. He can't seem to leave me alone. I mean, people break up all the time. Some people don't talk afterward, some people move on. In John's case, he seems to try to make me feel bad about the person I am or the person I'm with. This is the reason we didn't work out. You think after a break up, I wouldn't have to deal with all these things. But anyway, just think... all that time wasted with what I thought was "true love." I don't know if such a thing exists but I do know that you should never revolve your whole life around a guy, because you never know how long it'll be before hes no longer in your life. Sometimes you give and you give; if you're not getting anyting in return, I advise, ditch the bastard now; no matter how much you "love" him.

When it comes to matters of the heart, I've learned one thing:
live above the influence.

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